trains.

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Why should I
hold back my tears?
smoke blows in my face
the train has already left the station
it speeds far away from me, as fast as it can
and all I can think is, “you left me behind!”
that is… the only thing I shout
the shrill cry still burns in my ears.

Why should I
act like everything is ok
when of course it’s not
I leave home
just to be away from it all
but I have nowhere to go
nowhere to be all day
and all I do is wander my life
like an abandoned spirit
unwelcome
even my own bed is haunted.

Because
a train left for the other side of the country
left me behind
went to the beautiful ocean shore
where the sun sets into the water.

How long will I have to wait
before I can follow?

Why should I
wait a year to begin my life
while here, I’m dying everyday
everyday, I lose a little more of my Self
one broken piece at a time
my spirit falls away
it rejoins the earth.

but

When
I stand on the back of that train
I’ll watch what I’m leaving behind
I’ll look back at her face, swallowed in the smoke and the whistles
I’ll watch it all disappear into the sunrise
and I won’t be holding back any tears.

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2 thoughts on “trains.

  1. m1dn1ghtmus1ngs says:

    I love this. I know you’re hurting. And you know I don’t mean that condescendingly. We’ve always been so in tune with each other. And now, my biggest regret is that I’m not there when you need someone. I love you. Always have. Always will. Come back to me soon, ok?

    <3
    Ari

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