charming bees.

i try not to be shy
and subtle in speech
lying in my bed
naked
then waking up from sleep
i try not to assume
with the cards lying across the table
the green king reversed
enchanting, full and unstable
i read into them, their careful designs
hoping, “their whispering words
will change my mind”
i try not to be
not to exist, to feel and see
aside from this one death wish
i try to be
an artist, a creator
a naturalist, in theory
a leader of dogs
a human charmer, charming bees
but mostly, when I see the cards lying face down
mysteriously holding the future in their colored crowns
i try not to trust
what I always have before
with a final sweep of my hand
the cards go fluttering to the floor.