Ain’t that the thing, though?

I had a nice childhood
a pleasant childhood
so why was I so sad
I had a good family
a loving family
so why was I so mad all the time
why did I feel like breaking things all the time
why did I feel like waking up the dead
and killing all the life and light around me
why did I want to be swallowed by darkness
a darkness that surrounded me
and why did it surround me in the first place

Those tears falling from my eyes
there was no need for them to fall
that anger which screamed from my voice
came from nowhere, came from nothing

An embrace
was it all I needed
to feel whole
to be a person
with a heart
or was there a worm inside my heart
which wriggled around
eating a hole from the inside out
until it became free

What was the purpose
what was the point
of all that anger
all that madness
where did it come from
where will it go

I don’t wish to feel it anymore
that thing crawling inside me needs to go away
I will not be a host for bad feelings anymore
I will not be shrouded in unexplained sorrow
I will spread my arms
like the wings of a bird
and feel joy for the gentle breeze
which caresses my face
soft, soothing voice
singing sweet nothings into my ear
nothing
that’s all I want for now.

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