guru’s love

from my heart
to your very soul
I write these words in hope
you will know
how much I love you


B-lue loly pop-pa

Blue lollipop on a blank horizon
sitting on a dreamer’s landscape (of my mind)
shots fired out into the morning dawn
waiting for that dark body
to wander across my sight picture

Blessed day when the morning star
explodes across the sky
cherry red brains bursting
into new existence (restarting life)
painting the landscape glowing
of a Blue lollipop
in my mind’s eye.




Ain’t that the thing, though?

I had a nice childhood
a pleasant childhood
so why was I so sad
I had a good family
a loving family
so why was I so mad all the time
why did I feel like breaking things all the time
why did I feel like waking up the dead
and killing all the life and light around me
why did I want to be swallowed by darkness
a darkness that surrounded me
and why did it surround me in the first place

Those tears falling from my eyes
there was no need for them to fall
that anger which screamed from my voice
came from nowhere, came from nothing

An embrace
was it all I needed
to feel whole
to be a person
with a heart
or was there a worm inside my heart
which wriggled around
eating a hole from the inside out
until it became free

What was the purpose
what was the point
of all that anger
all that madness
where did it come from
where will it go

I don’t wish to feel it anymore
that thing crawling inside me needs to go away
I will not be a host for bad feelings anymore
I will not be shrouded in unexplained sorrow
I will spread my arms
like the wings of a bird
and feel joy for the gentle breeze
which caresses my face
soft, soothing voice
singing sweet nothings into my ear
that’s all I want for now.

In the shadow of my mind

My heart fights with my brain
Says it’s ok
You’ll love again
You’ll love again
And you’ll be free
Of the fear
The fear inside your head
The fear that caused

Marry me into a life of happiness
He says ‘I do’ with a shaking hand
And quivering lip
But inside he’s afraid
Inside he is afraid
The dark corners of his mind
The shadows hiding
The creatures of his darkest nightmare
Will be revealed

He’s afraid because there is this monster
Attached, it’s been there for years
Staring over his right shoulder
Claws dug in tight to his back
Latched on to his spine
Digging into his shoulder blade
Causing him pain

He wonders
If anyone can see this creature
Or is it
A figment of his imagination
A grim fairytale
An unwanted ghost
A demon feeding off his
Fears, his misery

He wonders if anyone
Could hear him crying last fall
When the leaves fell from the trees
To turn brown, crisp underfoot
When the cold winter nights
Loomed in front of him
And he felt so very alone

His heart frozen over
Until a warmer day
When the new year dawns
And the bird’s song cracks the ice
Of his frozen heart

On that day he hears
The whisper of his heart
A voice of courage
Strong enough to never be silenced
His heart breaks down
All the walls in his broken mind
Shatters the doors and
Scatters the creatures hiding in their shadows
A gentle wind, like a whispering breeze
Sends all his cobwebs
Fluttering away

His heart whispers into his mind’s ear
With warm breath, a friend’s gentle voice
You will love

life smiles.

life smiles back at me
through a faded window pane
as the air grows cold
and the sun sets in the distance
fades light of pastel orange
across the desert of
my mind

life smiles back at me
as I take the fatal step
toward a world unknown to me
a world veiled in shadows

life smiles
with teeth shining bright
and I smile back
because I’m not afraid
and I never will be
never again.

sound escape.

the music drowns out
sad silence of my head
I wade through the drifting waters
floating above an unknown ocean
where the song swims underneath my feet
in the dark dark depths
of music adrift

sing out your soul to me
let your blood bleed into
the pounding of my own red red heart
until the music swells over my shoulders
over my neck, over my head
and I am drowned

let your fingers bleed sound
the vibrations attack my body
like a great white shark
sinking teeth deep into my skin
tearing my flesh, tearing me apart

adrift drowned torn apart
by your sound escape.






tunes?: “last year” by Joanna Gruesome


green enters my mouth
velvety smooth across my tongue
wonder if I’ll ever feel this clean again

green enter my lips
and flows smooth down my throat
it travels through my body

reminds me of all kinds of things
I used to think before






Avocado slices